


Eskel's Guide to Refereeing

by OhNoMyBreadsticks



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkwardness, Competition, Enthusiastic Consent, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Top Jaskier | Dandelion, Top Lambert (The Witcher), Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:55:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27802657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhNoMyBreadsticks/pseuds/OhNoMyBreadsticks
Summary: Eskel had never considered 'referee' as a potential career path. Then again, he's pretty sure 'sex referee' isn't a real job anyways.But if passing judgement on his friends' ridiculous argument can get them to stop making noises and let him sleep in peace, Eskel will try anything. Even if it's going to be one hell of an awkward situation.
Relationships: Aiden/Eskel/Lambert (The Witcher), Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 8
Kudos: 154





	Eskel's Guide to Refereeing

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a product of tumblr users @geralt-of-riviass and @elliestormfound's posts together - their ideas were so fantastic I couldn't _not_ bring them to life in this fic! You can read the original post chain that inspired me here [here](https://ohnomybreadsticks.tumblr.com/post/635780342043852800/lambert-ill-have-you-know-that-aiden-and-i-have)

In terms of weird texts to receive, this one was rating pretty high. Eskel re-read it for about the fifth time and wondered if the lack of sleep was getting to him. Because dammit if he wasn’t sleep deprived from everything that had been going on lately. But no, no matter how many times he read those simple little words, they weren’t changing and the meaning behind them seemed pretty impossible to misread.

`we need someone to judge who’s having the better sex. one session with each pair, then answer the question once and for all. ur the only person we all trust to be chill about this. thx esk xxx`

It was no secret that he was their only mutual friend who wasn’t likely to kick their asses for this kind of a request. He liked them all too much for that, maybe more than he’d ever admit. He’d  _ definitely _ never admit to the weird crushes he’d harbored (was harboring) for his two oldest friends. Geralt and Lambert were just...well, they were easy to love, when you had known them for as long as he had. 

But they were both happily dating now, and Eskel had to admit that despite the sting of being the last single person in their little group, he was really genuinely happy for them. Geralt had finally found someone who could talk him out of his shell, and Lambert had found somebody who lovingly threw all his bullshit back at him. It was perfect, really.

Perfect until the sex started, that is. 

Eskel didn’t even remember the exact wording of what had started it, but somehow Lambert had insisted that he and Aiden were having ‘the best’ sex possible, to which Geralt had retorted that no, he and Jaskier had the category of ‘best sex’ wrapped up quite nicely. And the only way those two boneheads knew how to solve a disagreement was to argue about it. Loudly and frequently. 

Now Eskel wasn’t here to judge if his friends got off on listening to each other grunt and moan and whatever else. Judging by the increased intensity and frequency of the sex noises, he had to guess that this competition was, in fact, some kind of weird kink. That didn’t solve the problem of  _ him _ having to listen to it every day when one or both of the couples decided to start enthusiastically fucking against whatever surface was closest. His apartment was, unfortunately, situated right between their two, which meant he could hear absolutely everything every time. The neighboring apartments was something they had done on purpose when they had moved in, wanting to stay closer as friends. He didn’t think this kind of closeness was what had been intended.

It wasn’t just that the noise was keeping him up all night. No, Eskel could have just bought earplugs if that was the only problem. The main problem was that it made him feel...well, both intensely lonely and intensely horny. He hadn’t quite gotten to the point where he could excuse jacking off to his friends having sex in the apartment next door, but he had certainly started taking lots of cold showers while listening to mopey playlists. Every time the noise started up it was just a reminder of how attracted he was to both of them, and how he could never have either of them.

Which is what made this text message all the more distressing. Sure, he wanted the competition to stop (did he?), but could he be an impassive observer to these intimate moments without showing his hand? (he couldn’t)

Before he could stop himself, Eskel sent back `You owe me for this forever, you know that, right? But fine. I’ll wear a referee shirt and bring a whistle and everything.` Deflecting with humor had always been a favorite coping mechanism of his.

The reply of `this is why ur the best <3` certainly didn’t help the lovesick jolting of his heart. This was going to be a disaster.

* * *

‘This is absolutely a disaster’ was the only coherent thought Eskel could muster up as he watched Jaskier and Geralt passionately making out against the wall of their bedroom. He hadn’t worn a stripey jersey after all, opting instead for one of his fancier sweaters in an attempt to look as nice and presentable as possible for what was definitely not anything close to a date. Said sweater was currently starting to feel far too hot and constricting as the sound of Geralt’s panting filled the air around him.

He was beautiful like this, Eskel thought dimly, completely at the mercy of Jaskier’s nimble fingers and clever mouth. Geralt’s head was tilted back, white hair plastered against his forehead and sticking to his neck as his chest heaved from the exertion of not pleading for more despite the loud whines escaping his open lips. Never in all his years would Eskel have assumed Geralt was the one making all that noise every evening, but his traitorous cock was completely fine with this revelation. 

Eskel’s jeans only got tighter as Geralt’s own cock came into view, Jaskier pausing in his task of leaving a blooming bruise on his boyfriend’s neck to sink smoothly down to his knees. 

“That’s it my darling wolf, keep singing for me. Don’t be shy in front of Eskel” Jaskier encouraged, and then had the audacity to wink at Eskel before sinking his mouth all the way down onto Geralt’s cock.

“ _ Fuck, Jask _ ” Geralt exclaimed, voicing exactly what Eskel was thinking in that moment. Strong hands landed on fluffy brown hair and tugged, encouraging Jaskier to begin bobbing expertly up and down the length of the shaft. The way they moved together, Geralt subtly rocking his hips as Jaskier paused to lavish attention on one part or another, spoke of just how much they trusted each other and understood just where the limits and pleasures were.

Eskel looked away. He couldn’t bear the intimacy any more than he could bear the raw passion, his heart and his dick throbbing uncomfortably. 

“Esk” came the unexpected rasp of Geralt’s voice, hitching as Jaskier continued with single-minded dedication. He waited until Eskel slowly turned to meet his gaze before speaking again, his cheeks flushed (from the arousal? From nerves? It was impossible to tell) as he murmured “Can I kiss you?” 

Eskel nearly choked on his own spit as he fumbled his way closer, looking disbelievingly between Geralt and his _very much present boyfriend_ _who was currently giving him a blowjob_ , as if to ask the “what the fuck??” he couldn’t verbalise. Jaskier, in reply, simply moaned and rocked against the hand he had pressed between his own legs, clearly very much into the idea. Suddenly there was just no other option than to lean in and kiss Geralt, their lips slotting together messily as Eskel’s eyes slipped closed.

It was better than he could ever have dreamed, one of his hands instinctively coming up to tangle in that gorgeous white hair. That was what made it special, after all. That it was Geralt, and they were kissing, and Geralt was moaning into Eskel’s mouth like he was absolutely loving it. Which, apparently, he was, given the fact that he seized up and came into Jaskier’s mouth, clinging to both of them. Eskel finally pulled back to let him breath, all three of them panting as they pressed close together, Eskel’s hand in Geralt’s hair, Geralt idly petting at Jaskier’s head as he wiped his mouth and blinked stray tears out of his eyes.

And then those sparkling blue eyes were turned up towards him, Jaskier wiggling closer to the obvious bulge in Eskel’s jeans as he purred “Well now, we can’t very well let our referee leave without bribing him just a  _ little  _ bit more, hm?” 

Eskel left the next morning in a daze and wondering just what Jaskier would consider an even bigger bribe. He hoped he would get to find out.

* * *

Having learned from his mistakes, Eskel didn’t wear a sweater when he went to Lambert and Aiden’s apartment. Instead, he was in a very practical button-up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the kind that Lambert would definitely make fun of him for but still look twice at him in. It became clear alarmingly fast that no shirt in the world was going to save him from sweating out of his own skin when he walked into the apartment and was immediately assaulted by the sound of Aiden moaning out Lambert’s name. 

“In the bedroom, Esk!” came the smug invitation. Eskel was almost scared to guess what he was going to walk in on, but no amount of speculation could have prepared him for the sight of Aiden, ass up and totally naked on the bed as Lambert ate him out with a frankly obscene amount of enthusiasm. Eskel had to actually bite his lip to stop himself from saying something inappropriate, the sight of Lambert’s toned back and ass as he bent to pleasure his boyfriend quite the sight to behold. He was naked too, because of course he was. When had Lambert ever cared for any semblance of modesty?

Eskel supposed this was an appropriate place to be naked, in your own bedroom with your own boyfriend. But it really did leave him at a disadvantage in terms of already having a goddamn hard on within seconds of walking into the room. He would just have to stay out of the way and hope that no one noticed. They were certainly preoccupied enough with each other after all. Aiden squirmed as Lambert put that wicked tongue of his to use, protesting to “Stop teasing you bastard, I’m loose enough already!” 

“Hush now kitten, don’t you want to behave for our guest?” Lambert teased, swatting him playfully on the ass. Apparently that was enough to have Aiden losing his cool, turning in one fluid motion and flipping their positions on the bed. There was some growling and snarling but eventually Aiden came out the victor, sitting smugly on top of Lambert, teasing the tip of his cock with his ass. Eskel swallowed hard and tried not to focus on the way Lambert was making a mess on his own stomach already, clearly loving the power struggle.

“Speaking of our guest, could I interest you in holding this pup’s hands down?” Aiden asked, making direct and piercing eye contact with Eskel in a way that only had his dick twitching harder in his jeans, “If not, who knows what kinds of naughty things he might get up to?”

And really, what was Eskel supposed to do,  _ not _ walk over and take Lambert’s hands in his, squeezing them tightly and watching as those golden eyes he loved so much widened almost imperceptibly? Lambert was silent for one of the first times in his life, mouth open but no sound escaping as he looked up at Eskel with an expression of...fondness? Need? Maybe Eskel was just imagining things because he wanted them to be there.

He certainly didn’t imagine the punched out sound that escaped Lambert as Aiden finally sank down onto his cock, wasting absolutely no time in beginning to ride him mercilessly. He really hadn’t been lying about being ready, Eskel thought dimly. But he wasn’t watching Aiden, he was watching Lambert’s open mouth, the way his tongue would peek out and moisten his lips, the way he bared his teeth when a surge of pleasure rushed through him. Maybe it was because he was so distracted that he didn’t notice Lambert start to tug him down until it was too late. Regardless, he was powerless to stop himself from being dragged down into a kiss.

It was messy, and awkward, because my god who kisses upside down except in movies, but Lambert more than made up for that with enthusiasm. Enthusiasm that had Eskel’s heart aching with the need for just a little bit more, anything that Lambert was willing to give. A groan and a muted curse signalled that Aiden had pushed himself over the edge, bouncing a few more times on Lambert’s cock to wring the last of the orgasm out of himself, then rolling off his boyfriend. The kiss ended as Lambert pulled away to whine at the sudden loss of touch, clearly desperately close to coming himself.    
  
Eskel straightened up, wiping his mouth and chin and feeling like he’d been caught out when Aiden’s piercing gaze caught him again. But instead of reacting negatively to the sight, Aiden simply gestured lazily to Lambert’s erection and purred “He’s all yours, chief. What kind of referee judges without getting into the action himself first?” Lambert didn’t say anything, but the way he squirmed and practically presented himself for Eskel told him everything he needed to know. He couldn’t just leave him hanging like this, after all.

In the dark, when they were a messy tangle of limbs under the blankets and no one could see him being vulnerable about his feelings, Lambert finally spoke. “I’m glad you’re here.” He murmured, and Eskel couldn’t help but smile.

* * *

When the day finally came to pass judgement on which couple was having the better sex, Eskel found that he was more than happy to announce that he would need just a few more rounds of observation to make a true and unbiased call. After all, none of the participants seemed to object, so letting the competition go for a few more weeks seemed only fair. 

Maybe this whole referee business wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Eskel could get used to this.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this fluffy porny poly ride! Because I am a sucker for big happy poly ships, these five definitely find an arrangement going forward - wether that's as one big happy family or with Eskel being happily shared between the two couples. I leave that to your imagination dear reader ;)
> 
> Any kudos or comments at any time are loved and cherished <3 I'm also available on [tumblr](https://ohnomybreadsticks.tumblr.com/) if you ever feel like chatting or reading some of my lil drabbles, I’d love to see you there C:


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